Why is Sharing Pain so Hard to do?
If you take a moment to reflect, all our joyous occasions are celebrated with much aplomb. Special days like births, weddings, anniversaries, graduation, promotions, etc., are events that are never experienced alone.
We spare no expense and go all out in making sure these moments of excitement are known to all; thus, broadening our circle of happiness and including as many as we can. Which, by the way, is fantastic! There’s nothing wrong with spreading cheer and positivity around you.
However, it’s quite strange that we so generously share only our joyful moments with family and friends and are so stingy with our grief and pain.
Bottling things up only makes it worse, yet we refuse to allow anyone even a peek into it.
We seem to be almost possessive with our pain and sometimes even gloat about our misery being far worse than anyone else’s. We seldom realise that there are probably a million other people sailing in the same boat or struggling just as much to catch a breath while managing to stay afloat and survive.
If we lock ourselves up in our ‘Ivory Towers’, oblivious to the suffering of others, concerned only of our own, we are bound to be miserable and lonely. In many cultures, it is taught that we should keep our sorrows to ourselves as it’s the mature and virtuous thing to do. Happiness can be distributed, shared, while sadness should be kept close to the heart.
Is it because we believe no one would be interested in listening to our woes? That’s an outright fallacy!
There is always someone with whom you can unburden your sorrow. There is always someone who cares enough to listen. Besides, you may even end up learning how others cope in their moments of pain, thus, helping you with your own. More importantly, you won’t end up feeling alone and helpless in having to deal with the heaps of trouble you feel weighing you down.
As children, we are taught the fine art of sharing – share our toys, our food and our blessings with others. Why then are we not taught also to share and communicate our pain? Reaching out is a two-way street. How do we pacify and support others unless we are aware of the distress?
Let’s begin by inculcating a practice of sharing even this. If you think you need an ‘Agony Expert’, speak to a professional, who is trained to listen and support you in feeling and getting better.
But please, don’t shy from sharing your anguish. It’s therapeutic!